Tuesday, April 28, 2009

That damn chicken

I had a morning. My daughter and I shared it. I'd like to give it back.

Let me first set the scene with the fact that my 14 yr old daughter has naturally curly hair that when washed and let dry on its own and then slept on, rivals Don King. It's scary. It's ratty and frizzy and a mess. Sometimes we can make it look pretty curly, but most of the time she straightens it, but that has to be done at night because it takes too long with all her hair.

She didn't do it last night. So this morning was the Don King thing. With Godzilla attitude.

Mom: Get up (10th time, and with some enforcement...teeth possibly beared)
Crazy Girl: (after moaning and groaning and numerous eye rolls) Fine.
Mom: Please hurry and get dressed, I can't be late today.
Crazy Girl: Like it's all my fault we leave late.
Mom: (staring at her with "duh") It is.
Crazy Girl: (another eye roll) Whatever. (she looks outside) It's raining. What should I do about my hair?
Mom: (thinking...shave it?) Either down curly or put it up, that's really all you can do.
Crazy Girl: Well I don't know.
Mom: (confused) Don't know what?
Crazy Girl: I just don't know! (storms off)
Mom: (thinking...what the hell?)


Crazy Girl: (in the bathroom staring at her rat nest head and then at me expectantly) Well?
Mom: What?
Crazy Girl: (eye roll) Up or down?
Mom: Whatever you want.
Crazy Girl: I asked you.
Mom: (getting a twitch) Fine. I'll put some product in it to tame it down.
Crazy Girl: If it's just up in a ponytail we don't need all that.
Mom: You said you didn't know how you--
Crazy Girl: Okay, whatever!
Mom: (putting crap in hair) Looks pretty good down.
Crazy Girl: It looks horrible.
Mom: (deep sigh) Okay then put it up. (Start to do it for her)
Crazy Girl: What are you doing?
Mom: Helping you?
Crazy Girl: I'm leaving it down! Quit!
Mom: (with wide wild eyes and complete befuddlement) Then freakin' talk to me, will you? You just said--
Crazy Girl: Whatever! It's fine! (storms out)

At this point, I'm almost ready to pull my own hair out. Then she tops it off by losing one (just one!) of my favorite earrings I've only had a month and gets mad at ME because I'm upset. I finally get her to school and out of my aura for a minute, then she calls and tells me she needs long socks because they are going on a bowling trip today and she forgot about it. I'm halfway to work.

I have a sign in my office that says "Raising children is like being pecked to death by a chicken."

Say no more.


Janna Qualman said...

Oy, I do not look forward to the teen years.

Jennifer Hillier said...

There's no doubt in my mind that you're an amazing mom.

MY mom, in this scenario, would have shaved my rat nest head.

Rebecca Nazar said...

My daughter is fifteen. I'm thinking 'rabid' or 'feral' should be placed before chicken.

Sharla said...

*laughing* Rebecca, you are so right!

Christine said...

Remington wet2straight straightening iron: straightens my mess without having to blowdry first. Cuts the time in half.

Melissa Marsh said...

I am not looking forward to the teen years, either.